They are published by Schibsted publishing here in Norway. And I decided to buy it, it was a Wolverine Special. On the front cover it says "Logan den Eldre", which translates to Logan the Older. Like there is a Logan the Younger. And it also says "comics for adults". So in the second page we see that the special is take from "Wolverine Old Man Logan #66 - #72." and the Old Man Logan Giant Sized Special.
Now.. To the story.. (I need a moment here to compose myself for the torture, because I thought that it's a good idea to read while I write this entry).
It starts with an exposition about no one knows what happen one faithful night. The heroes disappeared and the villains took over. And the biggest mystery was what happened to Wolverine. And he has been gone for 50 years.
I remember I thought that was a good exposition, it made me want to know what happened to Wolverine. So I turn the page to see.. Wolverine, grey and old, riding a horse. He and his family are having a hard time getting cash to pay their rent. And that the repercussions for not paying it are horrible. And why? Oh, do tell, Yawret! Why? Because they will not show kindness because they are Bruce Banner's grandchildren.
Here is where I stopped and read it again. Wolverine's landlords are Bruce Banner's grandchildren? Bruce Banner's grandchildren? Okay.. I try to relax, and I pick up the comic book to read on. As soon as I turn the page, and I see the Hulk-gang (as they have named them). And already my head starts hurting, my vision goes blurry and I can see a red mushroom cloud behind my eyes. They are depicted as rednecks?! REDNECKS?! Hillbillies?! And Wolverine.. Oh sorry, he doesn't like to be called Wolverine, but Logan. Logan just let the Hulks manhandle him. They practically pummel him stuck to the ground, until Scotty Logan comes for the save.
Oh my god! I'm only at page 18, and I have ranted for too long already! I'm gonna speed up the reading, and minimizing what I recite.
Hawkeye comes to visit the beaten Logan, Hawkeye talks alot. Blablabla, Hawkeye calls Logan Wolverine, Wolverine corrects him. Conveniently, Hawkeye has to go to the east coast, and got Wolverine to agree to go with. In one of the scenes, Hawkeye all of a sudden, out of the blue, says "If only Sabre Tooth would've seen this".
I stop. And my initial question was: "Why?". But I don't get an answer.. Ever..
In the next page we see that the blind Hawkeye is going to drive the good old Spidermobile., Logan says it's fast. Hawkeye comments that it must be, since they're gonna go through four kingdoms.
Wait.. Kingdoms?? Four Kingdoms?! Let's just continue.
I turn the page and I see this:
Really?! REALLY?! The bad guys have taken over? And I thought Hulk was an Anti-Hero, not a villain. At this point I am banging my head against the wall. Let's continue. *Sigh*
They're racing through California. and then they stop in which is supposed to be San Francisco, but it's practically abandoned. Ghost Riders attack, Logan's is pummeled again, and Hawkeye has to save the day. More exposition about that Hulk only has California, the Hulk is practically Arnold now. And Kingpin being leader of this region. And then we see Parker's youngest daughter, a black woman with a lot sass. And Spidey's granddaughter is Hawkeye's daughter, and she has the same sass as her mother. But she's in trouble with Kingpin, so they have to go help her. Even though Hawkeye mentions, that she's more vicious and malicious than good. Oh and as a point, Logan promised himself not to use the claws ever again, and does not want to save Hawkeye's daughter.
We get a scene where Kingpin shows people how evil he, by letting some dinosaurs eat Dare Devil and Punisher. I grab at the bridge of my nose, close my eyes and wish I just didn't see this. I open my eyes, and there it is. Dinosaurs eating Dare Devil and Punisher. I sigh, and continue reading this mess. Wolverine is still on the "I will not fight" train, and refuses to help Hawkeye to save Ashley(Hawkeye's daughter, who actually dresses in a Spidey costume, which didn't look so bad.). Hawkeye hacks everyone down, saves Ashley. Kingpin conveniently enters the room, Ashley kills him. Surprise! Spidey's granddaughter is evil, and wants to take over Kingpin's area. Wolverine comes with the car and saves Hawkeye. They chase them with cars and dinosaurs.
My left eye twitches. Dinosaurs! CHASING WITH DINOSAURS! They ride... ON DINOSAURS! My head feels ready to explode.. Let's just get faster through this.. A lot faster!
The ground opens up, they fall. They're surrounded by moloids, who have conveniently eaten everyone who were chasing the two of them. And suddenly the Spidermobile can drive up walls, and they get out of there. That was too easy.
But now we get the exposition for why Wolverine hates violence. Mysterio fooled Wolverine to think that the X-Men are villains threatening children, which lead to Wolverine to killing the X-Men. This wasn't such a bad exposition, but Wolverine is crying when he tells about it.
So Hawkeye and Wolverine continue the journey to the east coast, and suddenly they're being chased by a T-Rex(Believe me, I am not ever gonna get over that, and it gets worse). But it's not a regular T-Rex, it's Venom who has unified with a T-Rex. They're saved by a guy called Black Bolt, and Emma Frost. And reading the story, I am like big question mark. And so my interest drops. I think: "MOVE ON!".
And now I have lost all interest in the story. Who cares if Hawkeye was framed? Not me!! And Red Skull is the president.. From here I raced through it. The bodies of Hawkeye and Logan are brought to Red Skull, but Logan isn't dead. Logan and Red Skull fight, Logan kill Skull with Captain America's shield. Then escapes with the help of the Iron Man suit. Logan returns home, and finds family murdered, and turns into Wolverine.
And now he goes on a revenge rampage against the Hulk-gang. And I just get more and more annoyed of the depictions of the Banners. Why are they depicted as hillbillies? Wasn't Bruce Banner a scientist? And the whole Banner-clan live in a caravan park? A CARAVAN PARK?! So I read the conversation between Wolverine and Hulk while they're fighting.. The reason they are depicted as hillbillies is because Bruce Banner mated with his cousin. So The Incredible Hulk is now an incestuous bad guy?Yes, he is. And it is complete. I have now a migrene, thanks to this comic. But luckily, there's not much left. Banner changes into Hulk, eats Wolverine. And 12 hours later, Wolverine cuts Hulk from the inside out, kidnaps his grandson. THE END.
Finally.. Finally.. I'm finished!! To be honest, I had to read the comic again to remember how it was. And I actually regret it. I wish I didn't read it for a second time, because this is by far the stupidest story I have ever read from Marvel. I wish I didn't spend 99 NOK(16 USD/12 Euro) on this piece of garbage
If anyone knows of a sillier Marvel story, please let me know in the comment section.
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